BENZHI - November Special Feature

Employers get to see a wide variety of different applications. Schools looking for EFL teachers get to see even more diversity in the resumes they receive because of the extent of the application pool. Sometimes, some of the information presented in these applications can cause a serious laugh or two.

While we know you submit your resumes in earnest, we are presenting some mistakes here to let you know that maybe your resumes and job applications you send may be a bit better than some of the compitition out there.

We hope you enjoy and are reminded not to take things too seriously.

Finding a job can be a very serious event, but now and then you have to relax a bit. We are presenting some mistakes on resumes that may not have went over so well with the employer.

These are from actual resumes!

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs."

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."


RESUME BLOOPERS

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."


REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."


REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."


JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."


SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."


PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."


PERSONAL INTERESTS:

"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."


SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."